King of All Media pt. 2: 2 Fat 2 Fly

Look at this pudgy, bespectacled face. Look at these wide eyes and bearded visage closely. Look at the Triple XL Edmonton Oilers hoodie and the exaggeratedly bloated cheeks. Look at this man and bow, Internet, for this is your new King.

I have strong feelings regarding Kevin Smith as I suspect anyone who has ever witnessed a critic masturbate to Clerks does. I happen to love the man. Clerks is a good film if not a little dated. Chasing Amy and Dogma are near masterpieces. And Zack and Miri Make a Porno is a damn good time at the movies.

But if these were all Smith was responsible for, I don't think I would appreciate him the way I do. I appreciate Kevin Smith for his candid interviews and brilliant use of traditional media sources for exposure, his live performances that turn "Q&A" in stand-up comedy, his intimidating presence of Twitter and Facebook and most importantly, for "Smodcast": the greatest podcast or radio program that I have ever heard.

For these reasons, I have considered placing the King of All Media's Crown on Smitty's head for a while now. I always assumed Howard Stern would have to die before we could find a successor but rotting away on Satellite radio, ignoring Twitter and Facebook and not doing anything remotely interesting since the aforementioned switch to Satellite is reason enough to take Stern's crown from him. Sorry, Howie but you've gotten boring!

Still, even if I think the man who once wondered whether the storm troopers on the Death Star deserved to die deserves to be the new King of All Media, it doesn't mean that the rest of the Collective(ly) Unconscious would necessarily agree. Silent Bob needed a crystalizing moment that would utilize new media to absolute perfection to tear down the "man" while providing an opportunity for him to stretch his considerable verbal wit.

Sadly, that is too much to ask of the universe. There is no situation that can perfectly encapsulate everythin...wait, what? Southwest Airlines deemed Kevin Smith too fat to fly? And he tweeted about it endlessly? And then he did a podcast about it? And then Southwest issued a stuffy apology on their makeshift blog? And then legitimate news sources started picking up the story?And then Smith used a video blog to tell the final part of the story?

Well shit, universe, looks like you've done my work for me.

Kevin Smith is now the new King of All Media. Prove me wrong.