A Nice Thursday Chat Over Tea

I briefly considered writing about the House accepting the bailout plan today. But I realized that was probably too confusing. I haven't experienced this much "will they or won't they" tension since Ross and Rachel (cue drum cymbals)! And to be brutally honest, I am just sick of writing about the depressing spectacle of the U.S economy.

I then considered writing about the the Cubs infield committing four errors (not a typo, every member of the Cubs infield made an error). The Chicago Cubs bought into a supposed 100 year old curse, alienated and ashamed the most loyal and fervent fan-base in all of sports, put their manager at risk of suffering a fatal heart attack and made yours truly look like the biggest dumbass on the planet for picking them to sweep the Dodgers. Speaking of dumbasses, I bet my friend five bucks that CC Sabathia would only give up three runs or fewer. I now know as little about baseball as anyone in the country. But lets just forget that, I am also sick of writing about the depressing spectacle that is the Cleveland-less MLB playoffs. 

I think this beautiful mid-October day deserves an infinitely more positive and uplifting topic: politics. Now, don't look at me like that and please take your jaw off the floor, it isn't a flattering look for you. I am talking about last night's debate and I am of the opinion that it was one of the most decent, civilized discussion since Big Bird debated with Grover over zoning restrictions on Sesame Street (don't bother Wikipediaing that, I made it up). It was so civil, I am not sure I can even refer to it as a debate.  

America had its ever-piercing gaze on this one. If we like anything: it is Train-Wreck-Tv. And this debate had all the makings of the best Train-Wreck-Tv anyone could ask for. You had the cranky old geezer who had to defend his previous record which was nearly the polar opposite of his principle and on the other side, the young upstart hockey MILF from the most foreign state in the union and  an era where "your-darn-tootin'" Midwestern accents and thick black-rimmed glasses still exist. At the absolute least, I think we all expected that Biden would rip off his shirt in a panicked rage and start terrorizing audience members while Sarah Palin rocked back and forth in the fetal position while whispering her "lipstick" joke quietly to herself and weeping. Now THAT would have been worth missing an episode The Office.

But that didn't happen (unfortunately) and instead what we were all treated to was a quiet, respectful chat between two seemingly decent folks from opposite ends of the political spectrum. Take that "Culture War"! Both candidates did what was expected of them: "not blow it". Biden didn't live up to his negative reputation and neither did Palin. It was the political equivalent of Bill Belichick handing Matt Cassell the ball for a season and saying "we have a good team around you, just don't blow it for us". The debate was just a tame meeting of the two "Cassells".

And yet, I was still riveted. Much like our friend Barack, I am tired of "red America" and "blue America", so it was nice to see Senator Biden and Governor Palin have a fair debate. Sometimes they agreed, most of the time they disagreed but they still seemed to have a good time answering questions and chatting with each other. As a matter of fact, I hoped against hope that The Palins and the Bidens would go out to dinner after the debate. Can't you just imagine that conversation after the debate?

Biden: "Thank you Governor, that was a good time."

Palin: "Thank ya' so much Joe! I was so nervous!"

Biden: "Well that was certainly unfounded, you did a heckuva job!"

Palin: "Thank you, Senator!"

Biden: "Say, me and the family are heading to a diner we know in the city. You want to come? Their belgian waffles are to die for."

Palin: "You know what, that sounds like a good time! I will go round up Todd and the kids and we will just follow your car.

Gwen Ifill: *eyes tear up at not being invited*.

So then they all head out to the diner. Joe's wife, Jill Biden gives tips to Bristol Palin on how to handle the hormonal nightmare of pregnancy. Beau and Robert Biden and Todd Palin argue over who is winning the Super Bowl of this year. Joe Biden, Willow and Piper Palin make funny faces at the infant, Trig trying to make him laugh. And Sarah Palin and Ashley Biden talk about hair-care tips. Then I wake up to realize that I am dreaming a West Wing episode.

But it is still a breath of fresh air to watch a "debate" and not a forum of two party assassins engaging in potshots and absurd partisan rhetoric. Joe Biden and Sarah Palin did America a favor and gave us a good hour and a half of TV and a good standard of what a fair debate looks like. They did their candidates a favor by not doing anything to derail a run to the White House. And the most important thing they did: neither candidate gave Saturday Night Live a chance to make fun of them this week. Unless SNL does a sketch with Biden and Palin in a coital embrace, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear...wait that's porn, not Saturday Night Live. 

Oh well, I'd watch that anyway.