Things They Didn't Tell You in High School

I am in a nostalgic mood. 

Does that not disgust you? Well, the blame can be laid solely at the feet of traveling packs of potential High School recruits being given a tour around campus. I remember when I was one of those squirts following around a "tour guide" who was about two years older than me, yet still seemed like a wise Buddhist monk. How do they know all this information about the biggest campus I have ever seen (okay, one of the ONLY college campuses I have ever seen)? Now, I realize that it really only takes a week to learn every single thing there is to learn about a college campus and life. Here is where you eat, here is where you sleep, here is where you learn and here is where bureaucrats decide your future based on state mandates. 

But back then it never even occurred to me to ask questions. I mean, seriously, what do you ask when you don't know anything about college life, whatsoever? That would be like telling an infant to ask questions about the world. They have no concept of what the world looks/tastes/smells/sounds/feels like so they have no questions regarding...well, anything. Also, they're dumb (just thought I should point that out). And God bless them, this High Schoolers are silent as church-mice just as I was. It is so adorable then I want to walk over, pinch their cheeks, hug them and tell them questions they should be asking. I cannot, however, afford to spend a night in jail or the County psych ward this late into the quarter so I have devised an easier and legal-er way to get my message out. 

College bound High Schoolers, listen up- these are the questions you need to be asking and the things you need to know:

• Know what a locker-room looks like? Good, that is your knew bathroom for 30 weeks. Get used to it.
  
• You can never have enough deodorant.
  
• Ask about the University's cable services. I get pretty much every basic cable channel plus HBO, but the lack of Showtime is upsetting.
  
• Ask if you get into sporting events for free. It is dope, trust me. Also, know where you need to go to get tickets. It took me six weeks to realize that the OU ticket office is at the Convo.
  
• If you took AP classes, most of your freshman courses will be child's play. If you didn't take AP classes...God help you.
  
• Ask how long you have to get from class to class. I find that 10 minutes is more than enough in the Athens campus.
  
• Don't drink the punch at parties. I haven't been to a party, myself, but I have heard from several solid sources that the punch will kill you.
  
• And on that note: don't go to parties. Stay in your room and hate humanity so I can have an army of like-minded drones. It was worth a shot.
  
• No file sharing services (Limewire)= no problem. Everyone on campus uses the same wireless internet service so every time I log onto iTunes there are three fresh playlists from people in my dorm. I have finally understood the appeal of Panic at the Disco, been forced to admit that The Bravery isn't awful and fallen in love with Against Me! this way.
  
• - Find the best food on campus and find it early. I find that my enjoyment of life is directly tied into the type of food I am eating. Treat it like modern day relationships: sample everything early and then settle into your favorite few restaurants.
  
• All rooms have a refrigerator and microwave so just chill out with bringing all the food. 
  
• If you do laundry every week, you REALLY don't need to bring that many clothes. I would say about half of your wardrobe will do. I am addressing the men here because I know the women won't listen.
  
• Kiss asses and take names: I have now come to realize that College is just a $10,000 front to meet influential people and make them remember your name. I think that is the only reason Princeton and the other Ivy League's have such a good reputation. Enough "influential people" have gone there that it is a networking paradise.
  
• Get all the rules straight: Can Freshman have cars? What about dorm life? etc.
  
• And finally, you don't need to know your major quite yet but you should have a generally idea of where you want your career to go. All majors within a University have graduation requirements in addition to the University's requirements. So you can easily spend a quarter or two simply knocking out the University's requirements but those will disappear fast. Also, some of your colleges requirements will miraculously line-up with the University's requirements. For instance: I needed to take a Stats class for the J-School and a Tier 1 Math class for OU. I found PSY 120: Elementary Stats which knocked BOTH OFF AT THE SAME TIME. This is still on of the proudest achievements of my life and I want my tombstone to read "he knocked out a J-School and  an OU requirement at the same time". This phenomenon may not be able to you, however if you don't figure out your major until Sophomore year.
  

Well, that is all I have for now. I am sure some of my college peers will add their own. Remember, High School students: you are the future....of college dropouts and problem alcoholics. 

And now the nostalgic mood has passed. 

Mission accomplished.