Best of Athens...According to Me pt. 1

It's that time again.

Yep, it is time for me to verbally masturbate The Athens News.

 I get in these moods every now and then when I feel the need to laud this quality newspaper. And that mood has struck once again. 

In this Monday's edition of The A-News, the paper continued what I have come to understand is a time-honored tradition: they handed out 2009 Best of Athens Reader's Choice Awards. The Athens News has been handing these out for quite some time now. I know this because many restaurants and stores I frequent in A-Town proudly display their Best of Athens *Insert Year Here* plaques. It is a very simple concept. The Athens News has readers vote, via an online poll, for their favorite bits and pieces of Athens in seven categories: Dining, Places, People, Nightlife, Commerce, Miscellaneous and Students Only. But for as simple as it is, it is equally brilliant.

Case in point: there is no way in hell I would miss this issue and leave it the news-rack. And I know there aren't many people out there who could resist picking it up either. We are shallow creatures obsessed with rankings and knowing what the "best" is. We want to know what the best movie/restaurant/town/sports team is. We want to know what aspects of life are worth our preciously brief time. Not only does The Athens News attempt to fill this ranking void for the Athens community, but it also enlists their reader's help. This way the reader's feel like they have a stake in their community and can help catalogue and record the best that this community has to offer. And, of course, there is the added bonus of restaurants, stores and businesses all over town having a plaque that reads "The Athens News" displayed in their building.

In the sacred words of those creepy cut-out guys from those Guiness beer commercials: Brilliant!

So, now that I have thoroughly convinced you that The Athens News Best of Athens Awards are the most meaningful and legitimate awards since the Oscars (which I will probably end up watching despite my pledge not to), let me take a moment to examine this year's awards a little more in-depth.

What I Liked About the 2009 Best of Athens Awards

Dining - Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Places - The fact that the people of Athens had the balls to say there was "nothing" good about Albany, I must visit this boring place. The Athena Grand is on par with all the movie theaters back home.

People - It tickles me that they called Roderick McDavis "boring."

What I Didn't Like About the 2009 Best of Athens Awards

Dining - Bob Evans is the best breakfast ever! Big Mama Burrito shall be "runner-up" to no restaurant.......none. Buffalo Wild Wings has good wings but the best wings in Ohio are on the other side of Court Street at Broney's Alumni Grill. Oh, and we all know that Donkey Coffee is the most wildly overrated establishment in the history of humanity.

Places - I like being a student of Ohio University...but I don't know if I would ever want to work here. The East Side of Athens is nice but come on, downtown Court Street is straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting (and out of a Hunter S. Thompson novel on Friday nights). 

People - Who am I kidding, I don't know any important Athens figures.

The rest of the rankings don't come out until tomorrow, at which point I will be sure to blog about my tiny little thoughts.

In the meantime, I am going to continue to watch Cleveland Indians re-runs on Sports Time Ohio. I love watching these re-runs.

Because the Indians never lose!