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Athens, Ohio, United States
"Art and love are the same thing. It's the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you."

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Picking on the Peacock...Again

Dear NBC,

It's me, Scrubs

Scrubs, NBC, Scrubs! You have to remember me, I was on your network for seven years. I was that quirky little live-action comedy about a hospital that began way back in 2001. I would love to tell you what time I aired on but I honestly don't really remember. I think I was on Tuesdays at one point, then Thursdays then back to Tuesdays, then to 9:00, then to 9:30...really, you moved me around so much I had a hard time keeping track!

Anyway, I didn't write to you to bitch and moan (at least not yet), I just have a few questions to ask of you. I know things ended kind of awkwardly and abruptly between us and I just need some closure. So I must know: why did you give up on us, NBC?

Things started pretty well. My first season was a critically-acclaimed blend of fantastical comedy and gritty hospital drama. I didn't light exactly light the world on fire with my Nielsen ratings but I did pretty good. I drew about 12 million viewers and finished 4oth in the rankings. I thought that was pretty satisfactory, especially for an off-beat comedy in its first season, and especially for a Tuesday night show. You moved me to Thursday night prime-time the next season, which I greatly appreciated and I did even better! I was watched by 16 million people this time and was 15th in the rankings. Now, I don't want to sound immodest but if that season aired on NBC right now, it would be your highest ranked show.

But this is where things went South between us, NBC. I did my best to bring viewers and advertisers to your network and you left me out in the cold. You moved me to a different time an hour ahead on Thursday. I wonder how many people missed out on seeing the episode because it was aired an hour later. About 6 million, according to Nielsen. I dropped in the ratings like a rock because you moved you and you wouldn't promote. Most networks would be happy to have a funny sitcom ranked 15th in its second season and would attempt to promote that show even more to reward it for its success, but you wouldn't, NBC, you just wouldn't.

Then you kicked me back to Tuesday like a dog without an explanation. I took this abuse because I had no other choice and you just continued to exploit me. You kept me at that time for all of two seasons before throwing me over to Thursday again without bothering to tell any of my viewers that you had. How are TV watchers supposed to keep up with their show when they have no idea when it will be on? The answer is that they don't. By seasons 5 through 7, I had fallen to 6.4 million viewers and had hit as low as #115 in the Nielsen. I was your Golden Boy, NBC, and I was the 15th most watched show in America but you didn't treat me right and I fell apart.

You don't have to tell me why you did this; I will never understand the machinations of your twisted heart anyway. I just want to tell you right now that I have bounced back. I have found a network that truly cares about me and will take care of me. Maybe you have seen one of my many advertisements on ABC. They know my needs and they are proud of me, I wish I could have said the same about you. Now you have to sit back and watch me become great again after you held me back for so long. You probably didn't watch the two episodes that aired yesterday because well, you just don't care, but ask anybody and you will find out that I ROCKED. 

Good bye, NBC, and good luck getting out of dead last place. 


1 comment:

Woozie said...

Dear Scrubs,

I missed your original run with the peacock because it's a general rule of thumb for me that network television sucks. The King of Queens, Two and a Half Men, and the torrent of Fox sitcoms that have been cancelled over the years just to name a few.

I did catch some of your reruns on Comedy Central though, and while I was impressed with what I saw I wasn't impressed enough to tune in every night at 7. Ironically, Fox of all networks has their reruns of Seinfeld and classic Simpsons (none of that new shit) during the same time block.

It's hard out there for a hospital worker, huh?