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Athens, Ohio, United States
"Art and love are the same thing. It's the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you."

Friday, January 16, 2009

The "Beast List" Gains a Valued Entrant

My brother and I once had an honored tradition.

We called it "The Beast List." The Beast List was a running list of men and women (okay, mostly men), who had earned themselves the designation of "Beast." How does one become a Beast, you may ask? Well, I am of the opinion that one cannot become a Beast, one must be born a Beast. And the qualities that these "Beasts" display is nothing short of consistent and wall to wall awesomeness. It is hard and intangible quality to nail down, but once you encounter a will know

A Beast may be a fictional character or a real flesh and blood person. But a Beast must always and forever display the qualities of Beastliness. Mr. Eko, on Lost used to be a Beast, but then he was killed by a cloud of black smoke like a bitch. And dead bitches certainly cannot be Beasts. If you are having trouble nailing down the concept of Beast here is a brief list of Beasts to help you understand the qualities necessary in being a Beast:

Captain Malcolm Reynolds is a Beast
LeBron James is a Beast
Jack Bauer is a Beast

So why do I bring up the concept of a Beast and the Beast List? I bring it up because yesterday, we followers of Beastdom (i.e me and my brother, Ian), gained a new member.

Meet Chesley B. Sullenberger, a man so mind-bogglingly Beastly that he may someday be on the cover of the Beast List. "Sully", as his friends know him, is a U.S Airways pilot. Yesterday Sully happened to be flying an A320 Airbus when wouldn't-you-know-it a wayward flock of geese got sucked into the jet's turbines, immediately disabling both engines and turning the aircraft into a very expensive flight-less tube filled with 155 doomed individuals. 

Most men would have accepted the inevitability of their and their passenger's demise. But Chesley B. Sullenberger is not most men, Chesley B. Sullenberger is a B-E-A-S-T. Sully coolly placed the plane gently into the Hudson River. One passenger even remarked that the impact felt like nothing more than a rear-end collision. Sully guided a flight-less stick full of people gently into the Hudson River on a 20 degree day and thanks in part to quick-acting rescue teams, not a single life was lost. Apparently, one woman broke both of her legs and Sully is probably on top of Mt. Sinai right now praying for her legs to heal....he is just that much of a Beast.

Ladies and gentleman, when "miracles" happen it is often tempting to thank God or Allah or Divine Intervention or Fate or whatever other celestial force floats your boat. But today I think we must all take a step back and thank some good old-fashioned human ingenuity and competence. 

Chesley B. Sullenberger, may you retire softly to the Hallowed Halls of Beastdom.


Woozie said...

Chesley is an odd name though. Like an attempt at a masculine version of Chelsea. It sounds very Old English, like it should be the name of someone's house or an overpriced housing development.

A.G.B said...

That just adds to the Beastliness in my opinion.

Chesley B. Sullenberger - sounds like a fictional character.

Mr. Bojangles said...

In the immortal words of John C. Reilly: "MMMMMM!!!!" He is a valued entrant to the hallowed halls of "beastdom"

Mr. Bojangles said...

This is your new favorite article:

A.G.B said...

Hahaha that was great! Puny mortals